Poor Dad

i've been a bit worried over mom's off behavior, why she has been more anxious. usually i'm just irritated with her without understanding whats going on, taking behavior as a personal affront really a reaction to some underlying anxiety.

so here's what's up.  I called her cell and got dad, who was in the dentists office. surprised, but not concerned . when i reached mom later that afternoon i founf out that dad had three teeth pulled plus a nasty abscess under them.  shocked and saddened and irritated.  mom has this notion that dad's low energy is caused by eb, since i had trouble with chronic fatigue years ago.  my belief that my cfs was actually major depression complicated perhaps by a bit of fevers in the late pm.

i know that i have a problem with major depression, and have had one for years and as i learn more about the autism spectrum, my diagnosed father, son i wonder if there is not a link and if i am close to the spectrum and some of its issues as well. that's another entry.

sometimes i seem to walk in a cloud of defensiveness do i misinterpret others behavior as negative because it really is or just because when ambiguity cautious read ambiguity as a threat maybe problems with tanya are misreading her behaviors as being meddlesome, interfereing, contolling actually trying to help can't rely on language to sort out issues i make a lot of assumptions which are not correct.

people stress me out and i feel constantly judged weighed makes interactions had takes time to get into a comfort zone.

Happy St. Patricks

I've sent this to all creation via email, so once for the record:


 

I spent part of the day tossing emails to Pat back in 'Cruces. I really miss her and this is her day.

 

Tyoma grumbled about wearing his green gap shirt today, since he wanted to wear this new skull T-shirt.  I paired his green shirt with some shiny St. Pa beads and he was thrilled.  His party was fun, but he came home tired and cranky.  I'm so please to report that he is putting on his socks with ease.  Yay!

Dragula!

Tyoma found my old minidisc player, complete with Rob Zombie's Hellbilly Deluxe. He wanted to try it out so I cranked the volume way down and gave it to him. Below, he is alphabetizing and renaming songs:



After listening for a while, he started to sing, along--"Hey, Hey, Hey!"

Whooooooo!

E's newest passion has been learning to sing.  He spent most of the weekend surfing over YouTube, checking out performances of his favorite songs by other enthusiasts.  I had heard some weird sounds coming out of his room last night, but I assumed that is was random tennis ardor.

So, tonight, after he came home from work, tyoma and I were sitting at the table eating dinner when he let walked in the house and let out a whoop.

E: "Whooooooooo! "
(T & Me): Shocked silence and stares.
E: Puts down lunchbox. "Whooo- Oh, sorry!  I've been doing these voice exercises all day.  The folks at the desks next to me must think that I've lost my mind."
M: "Oh. Going 'Whooo' is a voice exercise?"
T: Shocked silence.
E:"Yes! I saw it on YouTube! I'm trying to build my range."
M: "I see."
E: "Whooooooooooo! "

I heard the whoops at random intervals for the rest of the evening.  Tyoma, playing is his room while papa whooped, would yell: "Stop that!  Stop that singing!!!"

It was odd, especially since Egor was so sincere about his practice.  He wasn't self-conscious or the least bit reserved, singing out lusty "Whoooooooos" all evening long.

Elevator Animation

Tyoma dearly loves the elevator animations on youtube. He is particularly fascinated by the types of number displays, so when I brought out a peg board toy he hasn't seen for a while, guess what his first impulse is?



I have twelve more photos, which I will post as a slide show as soon as I get smilebox figured out!

Pathology

I wasted some time today with a Comcast On Demand movie, Pathology.  Pretty typical film, predictable and gory, but well-acted by a talented cast.  I especially liked Michael Weston as the villan. He has the creeepy psycho routine down pat.

While predicatble, I liked the character development. Hero/bad guy stereotypes have their place, especially in campy movies, but in general I find them monotonous and irritating. It was refreshing to see an uncharactaristicly flawed and nihilistic hero.  All of the cast did well, making the somewhat preposteous plot believable. The film was raw, but I could see the good and wounded side of the characters without having my intellect insulted.

What's Up

I am currently moving by livejournal to blogger. I like the editing features and communities much better. It will take me some time to move my 500 or so entries, sooo

Snow Pictures!!!

Despite the mountains of snow that we have had, it's been looking less than pristine. I suspect that all the blasting and rock crushing behind us is coating everything with a barely discernable film of dust. Anyway, a few inches of snow overnight freshened up the neighborhood.


This is across the street.


And this is to the left out our front door.

Questions

I am feeling a bit better today , cheerful at least. I took a ton of recycling down to the transfer station and found some cool books from the 1920s. The recycle grandpas watched me carefully to make certain I did not take more than my fair share. I suspect after I left a small scuffle broke out over the juicer I left behind. Those guys looked spry. Whole fruits must be in their diets!

Tyoma came home very grumpy today, of course, he had a fever. Have you every been in an irritable pissy mood and all you wanted to do was argue or bitch about Bill O'Reilly ? That was him. Turns out he had serious stuff on his mind.

Out of the blue he said, "Why do we have to die?"

After I picked my jaw off the floor I said, "It's part of the circle of life, we are born and then we die." (thank you Land Before Time).

T: "No but, why do we die??"
M: "Uhm. Well, when we get older, our bodies wear out."
T: "When will I die? When will my body wear out?"
M: "Ahh, uhm. Well, not for a long time."
T: "I don't want to die. I don't want to wear out. When will I die?"

Now I read about answering these types questions. Keep it simple for four year olds.

M: " We don't know when we will die."
T: "But I want to know when I will die. How old will I be?"
M: "Very old, sweetheart, it''s a long way off."
T: "How old will I be?"
M: "Oh, in your eighties."
T: "No. Nineties. I'll be a hundred and eleven when I die. And also, I will have 10 billion friends."
M: "10 billion?"
T: "Uh-huh. Right now there are 8 billion people on earth and they are my friends. When I die it will be 10 billion."
M: "Okay."
T: "When will my stomach wear out? Will I die when my stomach wears out?"

And so on. In the end I was unable to keep it simple, so I went on a monologue about how doctors will one day be able to fix people so you don't have to die, but he lost interest. I think if I give him a body maintenance schedule, next time he asks I can avoid the question "What happens when you die?" And heaven help me if he learns that accidents can make you die...