Shopping, Ack!

Our local Walmart is reorganizing--again. I hate rolling in circles trying to find stuff.  The last time I braved the store, Tyoma melted down over the chaos in the toy aisles.  I can't blame him.  I could not find the qtips today. Roll, roll, roll. Are they with the beauty supplies? No. Bandaids? No. Wet Ones Wipes? No? Are they on a oveloaded cart abandoned by the dog food? Yes. @#$%&*!!!

Shopping at Walmart does more than save me money.  It saves my nerves, too.  Multiple shopping trips wear me out and few stores have the wide open aisles that Walmart does. Plus, in the early morning, it is very quiet.  Well, quiet except for the hand-clapping back-slapping go-Walmart-go team meetings. 

This morning, I listened in as a short, tubby middle-aged woman read the latest sales statistics to her team. Sock sales went up 20%! (Yay! replied the team members, clapping) Women's bras were up 8%! (Yay! more clapping). Children's shoes up 15% (Yay! clap-clap). I held back on shouting, "Whooo-hooo!"  Their meeting seemed so festive.

I hear the clapping and yaying when I shop early. Usually, the manager is half-embarrased over the process, mumbles through his rigamarole and sends everyone on their way.  Today's tiny manager seemed to revel in her meeting. Were those louder than usual "yays" a result of her increased enthusiasim  or induced fear ?

As I looked for fresh sugar snap peas, I quietly yayed along with the team members, drumming my fingers to the rhythm of clapping.  I wondered how the team members during this ridiculous process and searched their faces for boredom or mockery. 

I saw nothing. The whole scene was a process, automatic, like chewing. Yay. Clap. Swallow. It was surreal. The blank faces of the team members were frightening, especially in juxtaposition to the tiny animated manager. As she rattled on nonsensical figuers. I realized that only thing the manager was missing was a reference to the Malibar Front and a "double-plus good" exclaimation.

Corporate America, keeping stores efficient and shopper friendly since 1962.  Thank you team members, for enduring mindless drivel so I can shop quickly, cheaply and at one place. Sigh.