Why Asperger's, Part One

It started in February, when I revived my Livejournal.

After Tyoma was diagnosed in 2009, I halfheartedly put in entries. Ultimately, writing in my journal seemed frivolous compared to my need to understand what was going on with my son. Instead of writing, I immersed myself into the study of sensory integration, Floortime, ABA, and RDI. I seemed unable to shift my attention away from reading, googling and getting the picture of what autism is. My internal resources were not spent on self reflection, which I considered a vanity.

Heh.

Last fall E's mom came. I felt so stressed out and Tyoma's troubles at home were so intense that I saw a specialist at school (Teresa Bolick). She was sympathetic and reccomended a shorter visit. It would take T a whole month to settle down, she said.

This visit was barely over before my mom came to NH. Mimi stays out of my hair and keeps to herself. When we talk it’s in English and about something concrete that we can both work on together. We had a great time, yet I went into the winter break feeling jangled. Since the winter 2009 was lousy, we booked three half days for Tyoma at daycare.

It did not matter. We had another Wretched Winter Holiday. Trapped in the house, Tyoma, E and I chafed against each other. Daycare was cancelled due to snow. Egor and I literally took turns to spend time with Tyoma. We were all sick, bored and joyless. Happy Frickin’ Holidays. It is awful complain about spending time with your loved ones, but this was drudgery. Something terrible was wrong with our entire family.

What to do?

I decided, we are not doing another Long Family Visit or Wretched Winter Holiday. In January, we hired another respite worker (number three), to give us some date nights and breathing space on the weekends without having to import a relative. I swore that we would find a better path and quit being miserable.

February vacation week came quickly. Nine days of Tyoma at home all day with no daycare available loomed. Without a clear plan, I fretted over the break for weeks. Ultimately, Tyoma can’t change, but maybe I could change just one thing. Maybe we could have fun.

My plan to cope with February break was to document every detail and get help. If something was wrong, there had to be a specialist to consult outside the school system. With facts and figures, I could present them to a professional and say, “look at this.” The specialist, awed by my spectacular effort, clarity, and organization, would cry, “Aha!” and delineate an effective coping plan. Problem solved.

Accordingly, I began to assemble Tyoma’s history since the diagnosis. I had information—masses of papers, documents, and handwritten notebooks. Although I kept most of the paperwork together, it was only sporadically organized. A few hours of work and my collection took shape nicely. It felt so satisfying to punch holes, label, and bind. I love rows of nicely organized notebooks! Life was already looking up!

My next step brought me back to Livejournal. I’d publish my accumulated data. Since the act of typing helps me assimilate information, maybe I could have some new insight and not even need to hire a specialist for Tyoma. Unfortunately, I forgot how lousy Livejournal’s text/html editing was. My progress was tedious. I finally said, “Screw LJ,” and switched to blogger. I liked blogger so much I decided to move my entire Livejournal, even though I had to do it entry by entry.

February break came and went. I kept detailed notes. Two things came out of this. First, being with T was entertaining when I had something to do as he took “organization” breaks (he likes me to sit with him and talk to himself). Second, without hubby around, both Tyoma and I had less trouble and days went smoother overall. I continued my blogger project with zest.