My Private Face

I have two faces. Looking at my profile picture, I am coifed and painted. This is assembled for doctor's visits, teacher's meetings, and the occasional dinner out. In reality, this is who types the blog:

Two months ago, I would have been embarrassed of my scruffiness and filed this picture away. Now, I'm proud of my slightly combed, definitely unwashed hair. My lack of make-up reflects a sensible woman, and even my discount watch is a statement of pragmatism.  Around the house, I wear my regulation comfy clothes and simple hairstyles. Out there, I fret over appearing appropriate and agonize over details of my attire.  I do want to look pretty, but I don't  need to be squeezed and painted into attractiveness.

Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg's slide show inspired me to share photographs. One person's bravery can give courage to many. Seeing her childhood photos sent me on a personal expedition. What would I find? Although I started out looking through childhood pictures, I ended up focusing on my adult snapshots. I learned more about myself than I expected.  After the jump, a few more pictures for you!

My favorite shirt in the 90's

Another pic of the shirt with joyous whoo-hoos and flapping

Jazzed to be at White Sands Natl' Monument

Painting in Moscow

Again and again, I see a happy face in my old photographs. I am a sunny, cheerful person. During my first year in Russian, I celebrate finding a chicken coop with hooting and jumping jacks. Here I am in New Mexico, flapping  and yodeling,  carried away by the brilliant glimmer of gypsum sand. Despite my sometimes crippling anxiety, I have an intense capacity for joy. Understanding that these strengths and weaknesses come from a neurological disorder helps me to feel more centered and in control. A lifetime of confusion and displacement evaporates.

I plan to share more pictures and thoughts, but I will get quite caught up in scanning and organizing.  Just so you know, I will be having buckets of fun and might not come up for air for some time!