Autistic Traits

This is a list of Tyoma's behaviors for future reference.  Some are "autistic" others seem normal.

Last Day of Winter

Today is the last day of winter and I’m sure that means no more snow, sleet, ice pellets, blizzards or snow squalls. I’d like to share my experiences with winter weather.


What you learn after 20 days of winter in New Hampshire...

1. You might notice that your car’s steering wheel is arctic freakin’ freezing first thing in the morning. Sure, you anticipated the snow and ice removal, but you never imagined that the steering wheel would be cold enough to make your hands ache and turn blue. Next time bring your awesome Pearl Izumi gel cycling gloves, your fingers will be super toasty! 
2. If you leave your Pearl Izumi gel cycling gloves it the car over night, they will freeze solid and be even colder than the steering wheel.
3. Defrosting your Pearl Izumi gel cycling gloves in the microwave is not recommended.
4. Always clean the snow off the top of your car. It becomes a projectile missile as you drive and will undoubtedly give a native New Mexico driver a heart attack when it hurtles towards her SUV at 30 mph.
5. On really cold days, salt and ice blend into grimy viscous slime. This slime will obscure your windshield entirely. Going through a “tank” of wiper fluid is a real possibility.
6. When the weather has mixed snow and rain, pop your windshield wipers up off the windshield to keep them from freezing in place. It takes forever to thaw them out, which really sucks after you’ve been slimed by that jerk in a red mustang.
7. When the Weather Channel states that it is a balmy 37 degrees outside, you should note the wind-chill factor before taking the trash out in your sweat pants and slippers.
8. You really should wear shoes when you take out the trash. The slime will eat your slippers.
9.  All the travel sanitizing wipes squirreled away in your car will freeze solid. Sitting on them to defrost them will give you a really cold bottom. BTW, your Purell hand sanitizer will get slushy and the teeny Lysol can you bought at Wal-Mart will loose its pressure.
10. You’ll love the snow anyway,  since big fluffy snowflakes are crazy beautiful.

Month O' Lists

I can't keep up with all the lists I have been making, they will likely fill a few spiral bound note-books!  there is so much to do!

In a way, it is so liberating to feel the importance of the move and upcoming change in our lives.  The lists I am making are so pragmatic and functional, without uncertainty.  I love having schedules and lists, knowing when things are supposed to happen and just how I am going to get through them.  This is so much better than the endless unknown that we have been coping with these past five years.

Ah, regularity! I embrace you!  How nice to not be compelled to google horrible pregnancy scenarios or endless job searches. Life is packing up boxes, taping, them and putting on lables. Sweet!

Back to Normal

Today is the first day that I’ve felt normal in about two months. Since I’m a goof who didn’t manage her privacy settings properly, here’s a summary of what’s been going on:

1. We had our baby boy August 21. Here’s a picture as proof:



2. For the next several weeks I struggled with mastitis and thrush, thrush, thrush.*
3. Tennisfiend’s Mom came to visit us from Russia.
4. I went in for surgery for an abscess on my left breast that developed over a weekend.
5. I have overcome a good deal of squeamishness.


* Thrush is a yeast infection of the breast that nursing moms often get after a course of antibiotics.

Ultrasound Results!

Click for larger image.

Here he is! His head is on the RHS and the white blob hovering above, center is his little fist. I'd post the second pic, but I can't figure out excatly where everything is!

The doctor said everything is as it should be, except I lost some weight. Fortunately that's not a problem for Malootka*. He's estimated to weigh exactly one whole pound. Yay!
*Malootka is an affectionate Russian word meaning "tiny one."

We haven't picked out an official name yet, although a few favorites are:

Timoor (Timmy)
Artyome (Tommy/Arty)
Gleb
Oleg
Liev
Ruslan (Rus)
Kuriel
Valentin
Vasilly

How Not To

I’m aggravated. Sometimes I wish I could post a little list of helpful hints to guide people as they are searching for how to help me when something stressful and important hits my life.
So here’s my little bit of bile:

1. Please do not tell me how worried you are for me. Suck it up. I am already worried enough for both of us. Most of the time I can find a good mental spot where I am calm. Telling me you’re so worried for me really shoves everything in my face and increases my stress level. Instead, ask me if you can do something to help. 2. Don’t deliberately time a major flake out over your own enduring problems to coincide with my difficult time. Weeping over the phone to me about your life sucks out my energy. You don’t need to dramatize some other aspect of your life to compete with my problems. It’s disrespectful and selfish. Sheesh. I'm so bitchy, I can barely stand myself. That’s all.

Cheery Stuff

Five things that made the past two weeks great despite a cold:

1. Master and Margarita: This five DVD Russian miniseries based on Bulgakov’s famous novel dazzled us for days! Visually striking and (generally) faithful to the book, the cast performed splendidly. Despite critic's complaints related to CGI/special effects, I enjoyed the little person in a furry catsuit playing Begemot and the lack of sophisticated special effects. Movies can still be captivating without blasting your retinas off with state-of-the-art CGI (I hated the Star Wars prequels). To further delight me, Igor Kornelyuk's music sounded like an outrageous fusion of Danny Elfman, Carl Orff and Oktoberfest music. Whoa.

2. Our New Years Tree: Yep, we kept it up waaaay past the traditional January 14 disassembly date. Last night when the pizza dude came by, he gave us an odd look, since the tree still blinked cheerily in our living room. At least we were listening to The Cramps instead of Winter Wonderland.

3. Ewbliette, My Savior: Since Ewbliette lives very close to my favorite healthfood/grocery store, she kindly shopped for me while I babied myself to avoid full blown bronchitis (I seriously steer clear of antibiotics). When her car pulled up the driveway, I trotted out to greet her and I almost fell over laughing as she hopped out of her car sporting a professional looking blue surgical mask. Anyway, bless her for the shopping, coughing pillows, cough drops and good cheer.

Bonnie May

4. My Gramma, the Goth Chick: My Gramma’s birthday recently passed and as I browsed through her old photos, I recognized that my enduring love for the macabre and somber came directly from her. With a pang, I realized how sweet my teenage years would have been if she survived. She would have embraced my dark and dramatic inclinations not as an understanding parent tolerating a phase, but as a former sister of a kindred movement, two generations past.

5. Guys Gone Wild: When you are up late coughing/sneezing/sniffing with Steven Colbert reciting the Threatdown in a manner that’s strangely provocative, you can easily tire of the obligatory Girls Gone Wild commercials. Entrez Guys Gone Wild. Oh. My. Goodness. I seriously doubt that they market the program for thirty-something cold-suffering women with unkempt hair and red raw noses. Nevertheless, it’s so nice to see. Please, boys, frolic on!

Olympic Observations

Every time the Olympics roll around, I watch the opening ceremonies anticipating a certain cheese factor. When Athens hosted the most recent summer games, their opening ceremonies were the most spectacular I’ve ever witnessed.

Stylish and sophisticated, they paid tribute to the history of Greece and the Olympics with dignity and good taste. The Athens Olympics also cost the country over 12 billion dollars, so I didn’t hold my breath for Turin’s opening ceremonies. Anyway, here’s my little commentary on Friday’s ceremonies:

• Maybe I’ve seen Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex one too may times, but the white hooded performers looked like sperm on ice.
• If I had a deep throaty voice like Mary Ann Carrillo, I would pick up every time a telemarketer called. Heck, I’d even moonlight as a telemarketer! “Hello, this is the XYZ Policestate Foundation, what are you wearing...”
• Fire the person who recommended the skating pine trees and revolving cows.
• The skiing man composed of ice skaters made my evening. It worked better than all of the other skating combined. Whee!
• American Olympiads have the most beautiful teeth in the world. • I want the sun and moon balloons for my backyard.
• Luciano Pavorotti needs to tone down the coal black beard and hair dye. • Fireworks! You can never have enough fireworks!

Airbed Adventure

Sunday

7:PM Tennisfiend’s cold becomes exponentially worse. Fiendish propaganda from the Vick’s and Robitussin did not deceive us, especially after $22 of medicine seems to actually increase his coughing and sneezing.

Midnight Continued and interminable coughing and misery for Tennisfiend. When he’s awake I pour infusions of red hibiscus, honey and lemon down his throat. When he’s asleep, I listen to him cough and wriggle, outlining the nasty letter I will to write Theraflu in my head.

Monday

3:AM  After three hours of composing mental letters and contemplating smothering my mate with a pillow, I drag my fool self up to bake muffins and get some work done. Clicking away on the computer, I can hear muffled coughing in the background. I feel ashamed for being (temporarily) unsympathetic.

7:AM  Miracle cold improvement! Sunlight vanquishes his worst symptoms.  I theorize that his cold is a purely a nighttime phenomenon genetically engineered and mass distributed by big business to sell Nyquil and Robitussin p.m. After breakfast, I take a nap before starting my own busy day.

11:AM So much for my theory. He left work early and I crawled into bed to sleep for the remainder of the afternoon. I’m cranky, so to increase my suffering, I pick up when my Mom calls.

4:PM  I suck. Can’t get any quality work done and I’m preoccupied with getting sick. I make chicken noodle soup for Tennisfiend and take vitamin C. Succumbing to irritability; I become petulant, ruminating on how aggravating my mother is and avoiding reaching out to my savior, Ewbliette.

7:PM  The vampire cold is back, but watching the Australian Open has but a big smile on Tennisfiend’s face. He insists that I sleep in my office until his coughing subsides. (Yay!) I drag out our two Aerobeds hoping that one will inflate and we divvy up our bedroom accoutrements. Custody of the vaporizer, air purifier and ginormous down comforter go to Tennisfiend, while I walk off with our dog Misty and four pillows.

8:PM Both airbeds fail. Further investigation revealed that a release valve was improperly closed, so one bed was finally salvaged.

8:30  Dogs love airbeds.

9:PM  Bedtime! The evening has taken on an adventuresome aspect. Next to my Aerobed, our camping clock and a flashlight wait expectantly. If I had graham crackers and marshmallows, I’d make S’mores and put on some bug spray. I read Cosmos for a half hour and turn in.

Tuesday

12:30 AM  Brrrr! Sleeping on an air mattress is like sleeping on a glacier. I can feel my body heat slowly draining away. I place an extra fuzzy blanket over the mattress and that does the trick. The bedroom light is on and Tennisfiend coughs in the background.  I make us some herbal tea, but he’s asleep when I bring it to him.

4:AM  Sleeping on an air mattress is like sleeping on a melting glacier. The bed has partially deflated, so I wake up with my butt making floor contact. For some reason, this seems outrageously hilarious. Filling the bed makes a racket that startles Misty into an alarmed grunt, adding to my amusement.

8:AM  Tennisfiend calls in sick for work and after breakfast we both go back to bed. My nose tickles and throat is sore. I wonder if I will be sleeping in my office when it’s my turn to cough all night. Probably so. I’ll add graham crackers and marshmallows to my shopping list.

Sick Week

• Saturday evening, I began to feel unwell.
• Monday my mommy took me to the doctor.
• Tuesday I graduated from feeling ill in bed to feeling ill on the couch. Mom brought over meals for tennisfiend. Ewbliette visited and polished our kitchen to a shine I could never aspire to.
• Wednesday I was still couch bound, but bored. I did some crossword puzzles in the late afternoon. Devoted and still in a mood to clean, Ewbliette visited again to spread good cheer and to help around the house (I love her, very, very much).
• Today I made feeble attempts to return to my usual routine. I checked my email, paid some bills. Under a warm sun, I wheezed around the backyard and drew a primitive but recognizable picture of Misty.
• Tomorrow Ewbliette will take me shopping, even if I have to ride in a go-cart. I plan on wearing my fuzzy brown sweater, reindeer antlers and bright red lipstick.

 

I hope Santa will be generous to all of you celebrating Christmas this weekend. Our big celebration and gift exchange is on New Years Eve (Russian tradition). For recovery and holiday madness, I will take a brief hiatus from journaling. Happy Holidays!

Not Much Happening Here

So, aside from neglecting my lj, what have I been up to?

• Meeting work deadlines
• Shoving html into my brain as quickly as I can to facilitate the creation of my humble website
• Staring with stomach sinking dread at our empty and cracking pool, which needs repainting this weekend
• Pulling out my hair over the BIG leak in the koi pond
• Scanning multiple Hienrich Kley images just crooked enough to make straightening them infuriatingly impossible
• Running every fan in the house to eliminate the infernal smell of burned rice from the kitchen
• Rejoicing over being pregnant
• Panicking over every twinge, ache and secretion

Dinner Will Be Served at 11:54 p.m.

To Do List:

1. Bake Marie Calander’s Dutch Apple Pie (my own resemble pre-school art projects).
2. Call Mom in a panic and ask her to pick up vanilla ice cream at Walgreens.
3. Make stuffing for turkey.
4. Stuff and truss turkey.
5. Finish orange yam dish.
6. Fret over turkey while roasting, once every 30 minutes.
7. Put extra leaf in table.
8. Wash dishes or put in garage with a towel over them.
9. Set table.
10. Make gravy, lumps be damned.
11. Call Ewbliette for a reality check (she’s also doing her family’s dinner, and she will have three times the guests).
12. Be very grateful that Tennis Fiend does not mind vacuuming or mopping the floors.

Eye of the Beholder

Whew!
After writing/editing most of the day, my brain quivers at the idea of stringing together another intelligible sentence. So, how 'bout a list? The following books are in my bedside reading stash:
M.S. Freeman.

1. A Treasury for Word Lovers,
2. Stalin
3. One Dimentional Man,
4. The Street of Crocodiles,
5. Nightmare Factory,
6. The Lazarus Syndrome
7. TheWord Museum,
8. Million Word Crossword Dictionary,
9. Five word-puzzle books in various stages of completion, my electronic dictionary and our digital camera handbook.
S. Newman & D. Stark.J. Kacirk., R. DaviesThomas Ligotti.Bruno Schulz.Herbert Marcuse, Edvard Radzinsky.

What we’re having for dinner:

1. Slow cooked country style ribs.
2. Coleslaw.
3. Fancy bread from Albertons’, heated in the oven as if it was mine.
4. Roasted Garlic (I did nine heads so I don’t need to screw around with this for a while).
5. Sapporo beer, left over from my sushi date with Ewbliette.

Tah-dah!