Clingy!

After almost three days of outstanding behavior, I had high expectations for today with T. The past few Fridays we've had great success with outings, so today when the Clingy Monster reared his head I felt irritated and let down. Sometimes my son can be so baffling!

We started our outing to the mall with the usual complaints and requests to stay home, but with the aid of gummy letters we made it into the car and out of the driveway.  At almost every outing, we push over this hump.  Once I get past the prelude of protests, obsessive questions, and general mischief, our outings become fun and pleasant. Tyoma's anxiety threshold varies, so each outing I am prepared to brave a certain amount of bellyaching to reach the payoff. Today, he complained more than usual and reward of fun seemed rather far off.

I had trouble adjusting to Tyoma's inattentiveness  and persistent disapproval. I think I felt frazzled by the inquisition in the car over digital and analogue clocks. At the mall, I was taking some deep breaths and working hard to ignore the looks from the mothers of calm kids. During one of those breaths, I noticed Tyoma was more relaxed at the mall than last week, when he seemed a bit wild eyed. He glided over to his favorite mosaic of tiles, happily pointing out north, south, east and west (the mosaic looks like and octogram), smiling and seeking me out for approval.

 The walk to Chick Fila was stimulating. Tyoma pointed out sale numbers in store windows and eventually became so distracted by them that I needed to scoot him along. He came along obligingly and even waited patiently as I ordered for us. Seated overlooking the big mall clock we inhaled our respective meals. I was pleased to that he gobbled up all of his chicken and fruit with out my needing to nag.

We negotiated a trip to the bathroom for me (he hates the motorized hand-driers). In the bathroom stall he loudly asked me if he could flush away my pee.  I chuckled and said "Sure, flush away." I might have been embarrassed, but some part of my brain collapsed ten minutes earlier and I okay with it. Next ,we dropped by GAP Kids to pick up spring/summer t-shirts. There be trouble.

GAP Kids is a great store since their shirts are soft, tagless and have large neck holes. Oh! And their dressing rooms have two-foot tall numbers on them. A trip in the store is a treat for T.  Unless, of course, the music is set to "stupefy." Once inside, he started running around and touching everything.  His plan was to mortify me into taking him out of the too-loud store.  I knew this routine all too well.

At my request, the sales lady turned off the music and Tyoma recovered enough to look at selected shirts. It took two gummies rewards for patience, but he assented to the purchase of four shirts. He also asked for a frilly yellow skirt.  I replied that he can choose frilly things in high school,  but for now he wears boy clothes.  My exasperated delivery elicited a smile form our cashier. As an additional treat, he picked out two pairs of skull socks for mastering the art of putting on his socks.  I briefly considered looking for pants but discounted the idea,  whizzing out of the store for escalator and elevator rides.

After enough elevator rides to confuse me as to which floor we were on,  we left the mall.  Tyoma pleaded for a Toys R Us visit, but I feared over-stimulation.  We dropped into the nearby Barnes and Noble and had a snack in the quiet Starbucks cafe area.  I could see other patrons wince as we selected our seats.  I remained brave, reminded T to use his "Number 2 Voice" and saw everyone relax. Our snack was lovely and refreshing. T was calm and introspective. We  talked quietly and ate briskly.

Since Tyoma still wanted to look at toys, we dropped by the Toy Spot, which is closing in a week.  I should have gone straight home, but foolishly I went.  All had gone so well, that I forgot our initial high complaint level. The store had been re-organized and was populated by manic kindergartners and their bargain hunting mothers. Still, I stayed. D'oh. 

There was an inevitable meltdown over a "100" poster, which I would have gotten if not for the demanding way he asked for it. He was just too overloaded. We took a break, bought a "make your own board game" and went home.

T was cheery in the car and we set up a pretend race between us and papa (who was coming home early today) to see who got home first. Our evening was unremarkable except for a bedtime meltdown. Tyoma is rarely tearful at night, so I felt guilty for overstimulating. Sometimes I have trouble knowing just when to push and when to pull back. On another day, our outing would have been fun and energizing, just not today. I began to beat myself up, agonizing over my decisions and fretting that I made the evening difficult for the whole household.  Seriously, I can't be perfect all the time, but I will try to be more mindful of T's stress level.

Is it odd that I expect perfection? A perfect day without meltdown or conflicts? Look at my home.  It's about as perfect as I can make it--almost white glove clean. It is as organized as a home can be without being The Official House of OCD. I long to be flexible and forgiving to myself , but at the same time as I berate, I analyze and build an understanding coping with a behavior. I don't have a feel like other professionals--Ashley, Heather or Jerri. Is something not quite right with me? Why can't I tell what's going on as it unfolds?  Why do I rely on the data I keep, filed away and categorized for specific situations and not intuition? Maybe I am not too far reminder from spectrum myself.

Indian Pipes

In the afternoon, the three of us took a walk in the forest off of Wasserman Park. It was muggy and you could see little clouds of insects near pools where rain had gathered good to get out since seems like nothing but rain for the last six weeks. noticed odd waxy translucent plants growing in clusters to each side of the trail. looked like flowers, but back of mind told me some sort of fungi. odd coloring from sickly grey to a delicate peach waxy slaks like enoki mushrooms. regreted not having a camera swiped tow samples to identify. indian pipes fairly uncommon a special apperance brought on by the continuos rain. also snatched a tiny tri-petaled beauty which i can't identify. blossom smaller than a dime delicate waxy succulent looking. hope to get out to the forest with camera for some real pictures.

Red-haired Boy

Nothing like a reality check before Tyoma's evaluation. Keeping in line with my decision to keep tyoma as active as possible i have been going out with him twice a day. Our morning was outstanding. We started off with a trip to Market Basket. He was jolly and mischievous, taking great pleasure in pushing over cereal boxes and crying "Cutooze!" No fussing or whining for souska. We spent several minutes weighing fruits and veggies, which delights him. We went to Wasserman park afterward. I met another mother with a couple of girls. She was about my age and a pleasure to  chat with. Tyoma liked the younger of her two daughters and even ran up to her and said, "Hi kid!" with the sweetest expression on his face! My heart melted! He walked back to the car holding my hand with no complaints or tears! What a great day! After his afternoon rest, we ran an errand and stopped by Veterans park for ten minutes on the big slide (its the park on YouTube). We'd been there for five minutes when a man drove up with his lumbering red-haired son. The boy clambered on the playset and shouted  "Eeeee-eeee!" startling me. He started to rock and "eee-eee," climbing on top of the play tunnel. I could not hide my shock, but realizing that the child had autism, I tried to be polite and not whisk Tyoma away. The father awkwardly tried to make conversation but I was too distracted by his near teenage son swinging and whooping near my toddler.  Tyoma initially seemed okay, but the kid scared him and he began to cry and shriek.  I had to leave. I pitied the father who had to hustle his son back to the car as Tyoma screamed bloody murder. I felt so conflicted, on one hand, autistic kids need to play and have fun too, but heavens, didn't the father realize that his child would frighten such a young child? I wonder if a  little awkardness and echolalia in a bright book-reading toddler is such a big deal.

Coffee!

Tennisfiend and I drove to our favorite coffee place, JR Beaners, only to find that the "closed for the season" notice has morphed into a "closed for restructuring," i.e., "closed forever because we were too good to be true." The sentimental "Thanks for being our customers, see you soon..." note posted to the front door had a subtle finality to it, as if somebody's wife wrote it to buoy fallen family spirits. We went to Panera instead, a franchise with predictably decent coffee and sweets, discussing the success of dunkin donuts on east coast.

For a close to a buck you can get a good cup of coffee. Starbucks is expensive and serves the ashy-tasting type of coffee that trickles out of cheap hotel room coffeemakers. No wonder so many Starbucks are closing. Tyoma enjoyed his day at Olga's, but when I picked him up I noticed that Olga looked harried. She confessed that three kids all vying for her attention at once was trying. I felt very sorry for her and suggested that I bring Tyoma over when her older daughter is in preschool. We'll figure it out. Mom is coming and we will be enjoying a few weeks of vacation.

Seaside Escapade

Today Mom, Tyoma and I took off for a little seaside excursion. We left at 9:15 this morning despite the overcast and slightly windy weather. Mom sat in the back seat with Tyoma, entertaining him with travel toys, noises and general silliness.
 
Mom also entertained me on the drive to Hampton Beach, since she knew the name of all the trees, shrubs, flowers and foliage that we passed on the roadway. I know nothing about local flora except that some trees are oaks and others are pine trees. In fact, I only recently made the connection between acorns and oaks. Duh.
 
Anyway, Tyoma spent the last bit of our drive gasping dramatically, saying “Ooooooohh!” and “O-cye!” pointing out the window to the sea. His little eyes glowed! We arrived first at Hampton Beach, which was relatively deserted, except for a few senior citizens milling about and a smattering of skinny joggers. The season is over.
 
We didn't park because I forgot to bring $40 in quarters for the meters so we could spend a half an hour on the beach. We left then for our ultimate destination, Wallace Beach, which was also closed for the season. Actually, the beach and parking lots are still accessible, but the facilities were all locked up tight. This solitude was fortunate, since Tyoma behaved like a little maniac.
 
He obviously loves the ocean, but the size and newness of it blew the little circuits in his head. He pitched fit after fit, screaming and crying when I made him hold my hand. He wanted to go, go, go! The weather was too blustery for a walk in the waves, so I struggled with him as he tried to drag me into the surf. It was frustrating.
 
After fifteen minutes of exertion, we packed up and made our way back to the SUV. Poor Tyoma looked so tragic, clutching onto his baa and sucking frantically on his souska as I wheeled him to the car. We visited another recreation area by the sea with a modest grassy park. A small group of mothers and a few toddlers Tyoma’s size were picnicking over to one side.
 
I said a silent prayer and set Tyoma free. To his credit, he did relatively well until he caught sight of the waves at a corner of the park. Another tussle ensued, this time with me trying to prevent him from scaling the boulders and rocks that blocked him from the sea. More screams and crying, this time accompanied by the stares of everyone else at the park.
 
I wasn’t quite mortified, but indeed I was a trifle embarrassed. So much for our seaside adventure! We packed it up and decided to go out for lunch. Would Tyoma throw an unprecidented and alarming fit that would humiliate us in front of the restaurant staff?
 
No! He was a total sweetie who completely charmed the everyone. “Oh, what a cute little boy!” our waitress with the little-girl voice cooed. She fussed over him and he had the audacity to giggle as if to say, “See, I am a totally reasonable child. I just needed some love and understanding!” Sheesh!
 
The three of us had a super lunch. Mom and I ordered the mega plate of fried clams, with tartar sauce, fried potatoes, coleslaw and a tumbler of peanut oil to guarantee a caloric content of 10,000. Tyoma ate fried chicken, fruit, and French fries. Despite all the overstimulation today, he was a good little boy. In the pictures below, he is eating a lemon (loves them) slice.
 

Ocean Trip

 What a trip! Tyoma absolutely loved the ocean, but it was more than his tiny mind could handle! I spent most of my time trying to keep him from swimming to England. The little guy is STRONG! And determined.

Fontessa and Tennisfiend took a nice walk while I struggled with Tyoma and the issy-pissy stroller. He has outgrown it enough to be able to lunge his feet deep into the sand. This causes me to catapult forward, tipping the stroller to an angle where he can wriggle free and run laughing to the surf. After the third time, I tipped the stroller backwards and attempted to wheel him away.

No such luck! He was too heavy and the flimsy back wheels sank deep in the sand. And then the seat started to rip. So I picked the entire contraption up and returned to our beach towels.

I think that Tyoma was the most spazzed out kid on the beach.  I watched other toddlers play placidly in the sand or wade in the water, but T would drown his little self.  I guess it takes a few times to get a kid used to the immensity of the ocean.  When you think about it, it is this huge bucket of water that expands across the horizon.  What must his little mind think?  That it is a bathtub? A pool?  It's not as if he could tell us. Tyoma has no natural fear of the water. I fear that if he does get "too wet" he will not want anything to do with the ocean.

We took turns bringing T to the water to play, but it was exhausting wrestling with him.  E did most of the work, while I watched anxiously.  Fontessa was in her own world walking  by herself or with E.  I had to strap T into his stroller when we were finished with water play to keep him from running off. He really needed his baa and souska afterward.

Strawberries

Whooo-hooo! Strawberries!

We decided to have a little outing to pick strawberries with Tyoma. He didn't seem to quite get the point and somebody needed to be the "wait till it's washed" officer, but it was lovely to get out and see real fruit on a plant.

I think the thing that surprised me the most was the smell of the fruit. The whole field was fragrant, it seemed almost artificial, but there was some subtle tang that made it a natural fragrance.

We picked a basket of lovely fruits (below) that looked so delicious that it was slightly sinister. The strawberries themselves were not as sweet or flavorful as the scent would have you think. Tanya cooked up some preserves for E that he delighted in.

I was shocked since the jam was runny, but she did not dump chemicals on it so it was authentic Russian Jam. Along with the jam came some sort of foamy confection that Egor gobbled with relish. Personally, I was surprised how sweet it was, but in the old days you preserve with sugar. Half sweetened stuff just wouldn't last. I don't think that the jam will last either, E's really loving it!

"What was so hard about that?"

Today I found the Nashua Mall. Easy peasy. Someone should point out the differnce between Nashua Drive and Nashua Street to google maps. Anyway, the concept of a "mall" here differs from my Southwestern concept of "mall."

I anticipated a large indoor collection of stores, much like the Pheasant Lane Mall (you know, like Simon malls), but instead I found a cluster of seperate outdoor buildings bordered by a huge parking lot. Totally cool, but not what I was expecting.

I loved the closeness of all the great stores, especially the baby stores. Tyoma is officially a toddler, but Babies R’Us still has cool clothes and toys. I treated him to a cool educational toy to compensate for the batch of toys abandoned at the last minute in New Mexico. I should have picked him up some little gloves while I was at LL Bean, but I felt tired.

After the mall trip, I detoured to Lincoln Park for a little outing. I met another mother, my age (yay!) with a little boy Tyoma’s age. Tyoma was a good head taller than her son, James, and T seemed like a sumo wrestler compared to J's petite frame, but the little guy had a killer grip. He grabbed Tyoma’s fingers and squeezed so hard that James’ knuckles turned white. Tyoma was more astonished than hurt, and James looked rather placid, as if his superior knowledge of other kids was worth the ten pounds Tyoma had on him. I really liked Amy, who gave me her contact info and a few recommendations for daycare. Cool.

Pumpkin Patch

Mom and I decided to celebrate Halloween by taking Tyoma to the local pumpkin patch and corn maze.  So much crazy stuff has been going on that I have not been enjoying life or my son as I should.  We had a lovely time and I learned a fair amount about my son!

My little boy is


Today Mom and I went to the local Halloween attraction, a maze and pumpkin patch. I took a few shots of Tyoma and then Mom snapped a picture of the two of us:

More Snow!

Yes, Virginia, it really does snow in Las Cruces! Photo compliments of AI Visions.

We woke up to about four inches of snow today, but didn't bother to take any pics. Please content yourself with this lovely picture of our friend A.K.'s upscale digs. He dragged himself out of bed early and assembled an impressive quantity of camera gear while the rest slept in and drank hot chocolate.

At about eleven o'clock this morning, our neighbor Sioux's mom, Peggy, dropped by. She house-sat while her daughter traveled on business for the weekend. Peg had locked her self out of the house while taking some photos of her own. Poor Peggy shivered in the cold , slushy rain or twenty minutes, turning over icy rocks, looking for the one with the key in it until she realized that her son was the one with the hidden key.

We wound up calling a locksmith, who took two hour to get here (busy day!). In the interim, I quizzed her about her life. What an interesting woman. Peg, an Australian, was a nurse in the (Korean?) war when she met her husband who was a wounded pilot. After they married, the two of them traveled just about everywhere--Sumatra, Saudi Arabia, China, Japan, and Fiji. I asked if the travel was military related, but she said no. I think her husband was a commercial pilot, so that accounts for most of the travel, Peg worked at a local hospital for fifteen years as a head nurse until she retired three years ago.

Since then she has been taking horticultural classes for pleasure at the university and plans acquire the title of "Master Gardener" via coursework and special certifications. She doesn't plan to open up a business or work, she simply enjoys gardening and I suspect that the prestige of being a "Master Gardener" tickles her pink. At last I understand why Sioux has the most velvety green lawn in sight.

Snowday!

I woke up this morning to about three inches of snow. It was completely unbelievable. I should have taken a photo of our house and yard. As it was, Mom volunteered to babysit for us while Tennisfiend and I raced off to the mountains to use our new Nikon. We discovered that the snow was uncharacteristically limited to the lower elevations and that the mountains looked rather scruffy, except from a distance as seen in this shot by Tennisfiend. The two of us relished the outing since we have had so few since Tyoma was born. We wound up trekking the abandoned lot of a local landscaper taking pictures of his inventory of rocks and stone, making big plans for our backyard.

Tennis Shopping

Sunday Tennisfiend and I spent a few hours in El Paso’s leading athletic store to ogle its sprawling wall of tennis rackets. Swarms of jubilant screaming children and their unconcerned parents greeted us as we entered the store.

We discovered that the World's Most Unbelievable 50% Off Sale was taking place for One Day Only and apparently the savings was only obtainable if you brought an uncontrollably squealing child. After ten minutes of browsing we realized that the only way to survive the onslaught of boisterous children was to discard our adult shells and think like a child.

Once you embrace the peculiar drunkenness of an eight year old's brain, the riotous noise and commotion are no longer a nuisance but an impetus to grab a tennis racket and swing crazily. Thus, two hours passed most pleasantly. Flushed with the joy of handling an abundance of tennis rackets and the purchase of two stylish but overpriced tennis shirts, we fled El Paso.

On the long drive home, Tennis Fiend expressed his amazement at the profusion of goods in America and told me the story of his first pair of tennis shoes. To do his long story justice, I’ll post it separately, perhaps tomorrow.