On Autism and Mood Disorder (Bipolar)

Poor Hubby stayed home today, ill with the cold that wiped me and Tyoma out Monday. Dr. Google  decided Egor's "pulled hamstring" is actually sciatica, making both of us feel a bit older and fragile.
His pain hits him when sitting,  in his car and at his desk. His weekend guitar playing marathons might be the culprit. Sitting on our low profile bed, strums away for hour in a position that certainly looks uncomfortable.  Anyway, neither sickness nor sciatica seem to deter his guitar playing or singing, so I'm glad that he is taking off a day and enjoying it. E will consult a real doctor Friday if he is not feeling better.

I'm still mid-YouTube Project, uploading and organizing videos. I was so jazzed over all the organizing, I had  trouble falling asleep. Perhaps drinking 1,000 cups of tea contributed.

Life hasn't been all videos and journal transfers, though. I spent time researching autism yesterday morning. I half remembered literature about about depressed mothers and autism and checked it out. Curiously, there is something called the "broad autism phenotype," which pretty accurately sums up where our family is at on the spectrum. Am I diagnosable? Who knows, but I sure fit in on the phenotype.

Looking at heritability and autism, I found some interesting studies. The "gifted" type of autism, ie, autism where one can speak and has intellectual gifts (HFA/Aspereger's with high IQ) often presents alongside family histories of bipolar or major depression. Interesting. Dad's profoundly gifted, E and I are exceptionally gifted and we have depression and bipolar in both of our families. My dad's father was bipolar--in and out of institutions. Both Dad's mother and Egor's mother have major depression. My mom? Hmmmmm. Anxious, compulsive and coming soon on an episode of Hoarder's.

Neurodiversity. I'm lovin' it.

Would I like to change anything about my life? Be less awkward, have more friends? Not if it cost me my thoughts. I'll even keep my depression right where it is--manageable but omnipresent. I am glad for the reduction of anxiety and obsessive thoughts that Lexapro has brought. I can sleep regular hours and my life is not a 24 hour "Strange Addictions" episode, where viewers can watch me google hypochondriacally, ruminate endlessly over my own mortality and imagine vivid scenarios of the deaths of loved ones.

Below is the article I read with regards to autism and bipolar disorder. I have edited the article for readibility, you can find the article in its entirity here. 

Sick Day

We had another playdate scheduled for today, but I canceled. T had a fever and was crazy anxious. So, Mr. Bossy pants and I stayed home. It was a long day, but thank heavens for Curious George. I've got that blingy piano tune knocking about my head so much it seems as if it is playing in the background as I commit my own crazy antics.

Happy Birthday, Here's Your Influenza A (H1) Virus...

After taking care of our sick household for three days, poor Fontessa came down with the flu a day before her birthday. So Sad! But, as you can see she is much loved! Look at all these flowers!

Her friends sent her flowers last Monday, a sort of "thinking of you " bouquet, which was inexplicably duplicated resulting in two lovely vases of flowers. And of course, the tulips arrived today. Tennisfiend and I added a modest bouquet of her favorite cyclamen, and viola! We could open a flowershop!

The good news is that Fontessa is feeling much better today. I was so worried for her since I was so incredibly sick. I even set up a baby monitor in her room so she could wake us if she got bad chills or body aches and needed help. Pffft! She was up and about looking pale but cheerful. Yay! Happy Birthday!

Happy Anniversery, Here's Your Influenza A (H1) Virus...

Tennisfiend and I have been married for fourteen happy years. We celebrated our happy day with matching mentholated tissue boxes, Advil Liqi-caps, Tylenol and Ramantidine.  I can tell you, this has been the worst year evah for getting sick!!! Naturally, it started off with Tyoma becoming ill over the weekend. I ironically boasted to mom that we were over the illness hump on Saturday.  On cue, his nose started running. The fussiness began on Sunday. I assumed the whole mess was cold # 13 from daycare. Wrong!!!

Monday night my sniffleIy nose started. I still had the sniffles the next moring at seven,  but I felt okay. Then, BAM! Within three hours time I was dying. Strong, strong muscle aches, naseua, headache, cough, you name it. I had to lay down and let Fontessa take over with Tyoma. To add drama to the situation, as I settled Tyoma down for his afternoon nap, Fontessa slipped and fell down the bottom half of the stairs. Good Lord!!! Fortunately, she was embarassed but unharmed. A relief to her, especially since she had and an immigration interview scheduled that afternoon.

When Tennisfiend left for work, he felt sickish. His face was ashen when he came home to take Fontessa to her appointment at two. Luckily, her appointment was over in an instant, so he came straight home and went to bed. By six he had a temperature of 102.7.  The only well person in the house, Fontessa took over like a champ. Thank heavens for that. Although Tyoma spent almost four hours asleep during his nap, his fever never broke 100.9, so no trip to the doctor. I helped when I could since poor sick babies want their Mamas!

Well, anyway, Tennisfiend and I ate crackers and felt miserable together! Romantic!

Isty Bitsy Flu Bug

I'm going to die if I read this once more!!! Six times today! My day started out swell with dual shopping trips to Sears and Market Basket in the snow. Tyoma protested me putting his hood up by stiffening up like a board. Why bother with the hood when the end result is still a face full of snow?

Aww, well. After I stuffed my astonished snow covered child in his carseat, I was overcome by fatigue. I still had to drive home and haul him up two flights of stairs. Sigh. During the tiny one's nap, I watched Feast. It was a surprisingly good movie for a lowbudget horror/comedy. It was very gory at the beginning, and with an upset stomach, my tummy lurched a few times, but I soldiered through. It was damn funny. Unexpected! BTW, Henry Rollins, you sexy beast, thank you for owning your grey hair and for being a convincing actor. :) Super campy!

Day at Home

After the frantic pace of the past several days, I found myself feeling so tired, I could hardly move. I slept well, yet felt as if I could use a hundred year nap. Keeping up with baby drew the breath right out of me. Well, one day of less intense mommying won't be fatal--he's fed and changed and hugged. I still don't know what I can do for Tennisfiend after his loss. I feel so sad for him and hope that the loss doesn't become swallowed up by the chaos of our current situation.

Summer Cold

After being cold free for over two years, today I come down sick. I assumed that the sore throat I had yesterday was a remnant from the wild time Ewbliette and I had Saturday. Rats. Spent most of the day on the internet helping with Tennisfiend's job search. Time well spent, since when TF came home he informed me that our friend AK will take the job in Dallas. We were both rather sad. Our friend is leaving and my husband's company is loosing a vital member of the team. I spent the rest of the evening sucking nasty zinc lozenges and inhaling steam. Bleh. I've been sick more often than usual, must be stress.

Blah.

p>Feeling tired today. What did I do? Worked on TF's cover letter and miscellaneous stuff. Think I'm getting a tummy flu.

Roots

Still got da flu. Canceled my much needed hair appointment with Rodeo. My bangs will be down to my arse by the time I get over this flu!

I feel so tired and wiped out, it's almost unnatural. Baby is doing fine, looking cuter than cute and mom has been a fantastic help.

Baby Shots

Tennisfiend went with me for Tyoma's six month shots. Everything went smoother than last time when I had the crying/puking spectacle. Actually I was more worried about me doing the crying/puking thing, since my flu lingers. Thank heavens that Mom will be over to help tomorrow so I can get some more rest.



BTW, I can feed Monster Baby lots more solids. A good idea since my boobs are getting tuckered out (off no bf meds).

Da Flu

Headache worse, feelin' pukey/achey. Gotta be da flu. I hope little baby is okay. I'm still pumping out buckets of milk for him to drink, even more with the flu to protect him.

I've given up on breast feeding at the breast ans I am purely pumping now. It is demanding and exhausting. To keep my milk up, I wake up twice a night plus I seem to be pumping non-stop for the rest of the day since the breast pump doesn't do as good of a job as a baby.

Another Week of Sleep

 I spent the week battling with a mild but draining case of the stomach flu. Sometimes I wonder if the usual contagins we pass around don't have an emotional component. I have not been myself. I've felt depressed, irritable and inexplicably stir crazy.

My weekly highlight was a brief shopping trip to the organic food market with Tennisfiend. Despite my love for exotic snack food and unlovely but healthy vegetables, I still felt bummed. Bleagh.

Sleep Week

I spent most of this week either asleep, attached to the breast pump, or reluctantly making my shower quota. I’ve barely q-tipped my wound, I’m just too much of a squeamish pussy in too much pain. It’s unbelievable how tired I’ve been. Initially, I thought the pain meds I was prescribed were wiping me out, but I quit taking them during the day (using ibuprofen instead) and I’m still exhausted! Whew, who knew growing a few square inches of new tissue could be so tiring?!

Thanks to both grandmas for helping care for Tyoma, it would have been crazy hard without them. Well, back to sleep!

Hot, Hot, Hot

The heat is miserable. It's been over 100 degrees for half the month. I should have agreed with Tennisfiend when he suggested we put in refrigerated air this year. The humidity from the swamp cooler makes the house feel (and smell) like a jungle. Bleaugh.

Have Some Lemonade

The past five days have been difficult. I didn’t want to write, I didn’t want to think, I didn’t even want to sing. Yet as always, good things happen amidst the bad. Last week I acquired a scanner and I've been rabidly scanning images since it makes me feel like a great artist. I’m sharing a few scans selected from one of ’s favorite but dilapidated childhood books. The illustrator seems to be Russia’s answer to Sergio Aragones . They made me smile, perhaps you'll smile too.