Limp as a Noodle...

I had a spark of joy as I played "limp as a noodle, heavy as a truck" with Tyoma. Getting out really helps me to feel better.

Ipswich

Lady Slippers

Yellowest Teeth in the Park

Tyoma's ability to tolerate crowds has increased. He is able to go to a moderately crowded playground and amuse himself independently. No screaming meltdowns! He now talks to himself and has even spontaneously greeted others (something he never did before).

He has been picking up on social cues from others in about two outings out of three. He keeps out of the way of older, rowdy kids. He waits his turn and is cautious of smaller children. He still does not initiate play, but he observes others playing with toys and imitates what others do. Wow. What great data gathering on my part. Should have gone clinical...

As I smiled and made pointless small talk with the other mothers, I noticed how perfect everyones teeth were. Highlights, cute jeans, snazzy shoes, fancy phones and dazzling white straight teeth. I never gave too much thought to investing in such a smile and I can't decide if I'm off-put, or jealous.

I'm definitely feeling depressed and sad.  It's like I can't move and the smallest effort takes every bit of resolve I have.  I just haven't been the same since mom left.  That last quarrel with her squashed something vital in me.  It's not her fault, but I have so much to do now that I just don't have so much extra for her. Is it unrealistic for me to expect so much from my mother?

She raised me and always had the answers. But now I am doing things on my own and I need some time to take care of my husband and do something for us as a couple without the distraction of drama or hurt feelings.  It's funny. Ask too much of Tanya and she's there for you, ask too much from mom and she'll freak out. And reverse, ask too little of Tanya and she'll freak where my mom is pretty happy reading books and doing little.  I realize that it's over-simplistic, but I need to strike a better balance with the other women in my life.



Papa with T as I take a coping break.

Trip to the Mall

Today we took a trip to the mall and had some chick-fil-a. I usually order the kid's meal with the fruit cup instead of the fries, but its been so long since we've been there that I forgot until after the handed me the bag. I Exclaimed that I meant to get the fruit cup, but by that time the fellow behind us was in mid-order so I left. As I put together our meals at a table, a worker rushed a complementary fruit cup to us! How very sweet!

After lunch we went to the play ground where Tyoma surprised me by greeting a strange child and running to hug a woman with a baby

Wagon Ride

What green grass! Our lawn is looking much healthier than last year, all that fertilizer must be paying off. Papa and Tyoma are enjoying the balmy day. On a mental health note, I've been taking sam E for about two weeks now. I'm going to add some St. John's wort to see if it helps. I feel sooo tired.

Swimming!

Today has been one of the warmest days of late, and not too rainy. I took Tyoma out for a little swim and was spied by our neighbor Amdy who waved us over to play. Tyoma completely ignored her and her son, but was captivated by Lily, the three year old over for a playdate. I chatted a bit with Amy, feeling akward and insincere. I had a catcher in the rye moment where I felt like a total fraud. Exchanging platitudes with Amy bored me and I felt she could see how disingenuous I felt. Highschool returned for a moment. Will some part of me always sulk, wearing heavy black eyeliner and somber goth garb, feeling alienated? The notion started to sink in and settle, depressing me, but I shook it off. Ultimately, I realized what a blessing it is to have intelligent and unusual friends. My soul does not belong to a suburban soccer mom! Bring on the quirky intellectuals, Dungeon Masters and fellow nerds! Some cheery pics of Sqirmy D. I was quite proud when he started reading her son's shirt, astounding her completely and perhaps guarenteeing that we will forever be excluded from their barbecues!

At the Park and the Evaluation

After last weekend's fun at the park we decided to go for another visit and this time Tennisfiend brought the video camera.

On an unrelated note, the evaluation team that was going to meet with us on Monday called. I found out, much to my surprise, that we were to take Tyoma to Manchester for an evaluation and that the whole process could top three hours. I very surprised since I expected a shorter meeting at our home.  One of the specialists was supposed to pay me a home visit last November (but never did), so I must have gotten confused. Anyway, out appointment was late enough in the afternoon that I reschedulled for June 12 at 8:30 a.m.

E was in the room with me when I called to reschedule and did some hand-waving to calm me down when I called. I was pissed that nobody took five minutes to let me know what to expect. Anyway, the specialist said she would call me Monday/Tuesday and plan to meet Tyoma and me in person. I suspect that she won't call or meet with us unless I'm a bit pesky. I feel a bit embarassed for getting caught by surprise, but all of Tyoma's other evaluations have been at home so I just assumed. Sigh.

"Hold On to the Polka-Dots"

At Last

Some cute pics of T after his hair cut. If he was pinkish, I think he would look lie Frankenberry!